Friday, September 25, 2015


I reread my prior post, perhaps I have lost you with the rambling...

 For the purists - I am aware this is the incorrect usage of the aforementioned quotation 

... and the jumping around...

... but no one has said anything yet, zero comments, perhaps I am all alone here? 

Maybe you just want the usual jazz, let's give it the old college try...

YAWN... Here goes NOTHING!!!!

oday was Friday, the Fourth of September. I had only just arrived in the Holy Land a few nights prior, still a bit shaken from the jetlag. I hardly could sleep and awoke hour before dawn. I wandered, mentally and physically, my new dwelling. A mind relocated and with the body; a slow waltz through my near penthouse apartment. I spent the morning energy texting a girl with whom I had spent many a fortnight. We toyed with yet another of the countless flirtatious subjects, that filled the vast playroom of our little world. She soon went to bed as the sun spun round to my neck of the woods.

It was a new dawn, around 6. I could check the Farmer's Almanac for an exact moment; a thought reminding me of my past life. A kabbalist once told me I was a virgo, too concerned with minutiae, missing the forest through the trees. It reminded me of my past life, as an exchequer in New Amsterdam. 

It doesn't matter now...

I watched the sunrise in the East, the land of Nod, where Cain had settled. I thought of my brother in the West, as I listened to the timpanis of nature sizzle the moisture from the skillet.

Soon after I set out for the dunes overlooking the sea. I walked to the south, up and over, through and through, in search of the perfect spot. There were many a beautiful flower along the way I had yet to see. 

I looked out to the horizon, admiring the happy go lucky riding the waves into the sandy shores. I admired the effortless grace. When in Rome...

I turned round and headed north, to the shopkeep Lee Gal, to inquire of his wares. I sketched some more of the sights in my notebook.

A luxurious new inn, perhaps my compatriots could stay in one day...

A tower by the northern shore under renovation...

and finally I made it to his business.

I was greeted by a young man smoking a cigarette who proceeded to extinguish her and lead me inside. His philosophy was a bit, how do you say, below me, perhaps?

I headed south to my next shop, Las Olas, Zach had christened it. As I approached I saw him out front, cleaning an inventory item. We shook hands and I told him my story. 

"I have only done this once before." 

He nodded and pulled Excalibur from the racks, I handed over my purse and he prepared her, setting hilt and sheath. A blinding golden ray stuck the blade and sent me turning towards the door. 

A slender blonde walked in and I smiled at my dropped jaw I had noticed in the reflection of her aviators. A french woman, Zach's wife, and my new chaffeur. We chatted as we rode back to my humble abode. 

I told her I pondering meeting a french woman and one day living in Paris. She advised against it. I told her my Russian barber told me to stay away from the Israeli women. She chuckled.

I reached the 9th floor and entered, meeting my new found mates, who were ready for something. It was only noon.

To be continued...

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Total Recall

Looks like we've fallen behind, but nothing is lost...

Just a few snippets until I get bored and recap the last few weeks.

A word from ego maniac prime...

A face from Pep, in awe of absolute splendor...

And perhaps a few pictures of things I've seen along the way...

On second thought, don't let all the cats out of the bag all at once...

Is that saying correct? Google-Overlord says it's a long story, don't worry about it. But it's true, it's hard to get the cats back in the bag.

Reminds me of Pikachu...

Which reminds me of yesterday, a childhood paradise!


T'was Yom Kippur and/or a city wide block party for kids, and myself, since our lord and savior...

Once said, "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

Well on second thought, it's just a bunch of hearsay, Matthew, quoting Jesus, reinterpreted by like a bunch of dudes... So who knows! But if it's in my Google search...

So there I was, in the citywide block party, no cars, perfect pavement... Why doesn't America consult the Israeli Consulate of Asphalt, shits holy, not potholy, HA! I proceeded to tear up the streets on my brand new...


PICTURE JOKE - Time to open up ol' photoshop

The marketing team was running out of funding (time=money) so they decided to stop there. Perhaps next week they will incorporate more brand building slogans, like this one, still being tested in focus groups. 

Bunch of bloody spacemen... FOCUS DAMNIT! How about...


Eh, maybe we'll just get a celebrity and fuck the whole slogan thing.

And Bill Murray Saidth, "I'll drink to that!"
And they did, and it was good, despite only being 9:30 in the morning
- Book of Brian 1:1


Let me go grab my bottle of wine real quick... AHHH - Does red wine go bad after being uncorked?
Hmmmm, deep philosophical questions this morning...

But I digress


I got the Penny Hoverboard, and it's bloody awesome! I almost got a chinese knockoff, the <insert arguably racist and/or insensitive mistranslation of english skateboard>

The IARA/OIMoES - I was really hoping that acronym was going to just turn out spectacular and I was going to have this moment of zen in which you jizz your mind, but not this time.

Marketing budget not high enough to ponder a better name! Need to sell hundred dollars cheaper than the real thing!

I'm a sucker for expensive sports gear...



After some boarding, Feng Shui'ing, Kabbalah study, more skateboarding, construction site break in, sunset watching, fast breaking, sexy picture taking, and coffee drinking... I went to sleep.

Think I got some pictures along the way...

A future luxury beach front hotel...

And a view moments before breakfast... 


-0001 hours-

And was woken up by my compatriots who went to the Old City (Jerusalem) for a bit of the old ultra-holy. A few of them were going for a moonlight dip in the Sea... 

Think I'll pass, perhaps I'll read some conspiracy news instead!



Jame Joyce be trippin' on my stream of consciousness


† - Dagger or Obelisk is a typographical symbol or glyph, it's like an asterisk, but I opted out of the asterisk in this case because...

I think it has more meaning that way


I also wanted to add, on a serious note. Note the similarities between the flower picture and the lense flair behind Pep... 

More insight to come...

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Last Thor's Day

Back to the day of the week history lesson - Thursday is Thor's Day!

Thunor, Donar (German, Donnerstag) and Thor are derived from the name of the Germanic god of thunder, Thunraz, equivalent to Jupiter in the interpretatio romana.


Last day of Jupiter the gang headed down to the beach. I admired all the outdoor soccer pitches, empty sprawls of sand, all while sporting bathing suit 4/12, zero being the least modest, of course. 

The whites proceeded to get roasted, I pumped some iron on the beach gym, what great community installments!

I got home and took an uber pissed off selfie, what is this! An ego for ants!



...and if you sign up for a Macy's card, you can make the people behind you want to take your life!


I also took a picture of this castle... might need to have a dip in the moat.

That day I proceeded, like a pro, to barista gallons of iced coffee - call me Armstrong I was so jazzed.

That day was a long day...

In other news...


Yea this was originally going to be another PSA, about healthcare in America...

Back to the Wednesday

Welly welly welly welly welly welly well...

I was trying to think of pun or something about Wednesday, which led me to my next thought...

What is a Wednes? Katnis' ugly older sister or something? I decided to dig deeper; and by deeper I mean type it into Google, press the first link, and take it as the word of God; going against one of my previous posts, debunking the wisdom that is Wikipedia; but what the heck?

"Wednesday (ˈwɛnzd/,/ˈwɛnzdi/, or archaically /ˈwɛdənzd/)... Alternatively, or, turnitively, ///3>N~5Dæ

Don't you just love the pronunciation language! Classic stuff, why didn't we learn that in school?
I digress... the day of the week following Tuesday and before Thursday... Ok, following so far...

According to international standard ISO 8601 adopted in most western countries it is the third day of the week.

Dafuq, ISO 8601? give me a break. But the plot thickens, depending on your personal level of giving a shit.

The name is derived from Old English Wōdnesdæg and Middle English Wednesdei, "day of Woden", ultimately a calque of dies Mercurii "day of Mercury".

Very interesting, but anyways...


On the Day of Mercury (the last day of Mercury, I'm falling behind) we met up with our leader, a fine young mother... named after pretty flower, and we got briefed, have breakfast, meet out sister group from neighboring town Ramla...

I woke up late, 8:20, 10 minutes to get fresher than a mother......, and then make coffee, and get downstairs. C+, no coffee, major demerits. This is probably why my father disowned me. Only kidding.

At breakfast I drank so much instant coffee I was nearly levitating the rest of the day, maybe it's time for another cup right now?!


The prior sentence led me on a week and a half adventure, only now to I return to finish this post, in a hammock watching the sunrise over the beach. Disclaimer: the sun is rising on the other side of the building, so its not as glamorous. But I'm not a morning person, guess sunset view is better anyway. But a romantic sunrise might hit the spot...

Welly welly well, reading material for later...

New Years resolution is also to stop drinking so much coffee... so if my mountain climbing knot fails I will not be levitating / I will be promptly busting my ass. Fingers crossed. Google: Hot Mayan Hammock Knots...



After cleaning up all the broken ice, I had a few hours until my personal interview with the leader. After playing navigator for the Ramla group I journeyed to the beach.

Fork in the road, take left, clearly not the right answer! You thought I was going to put a picture of a fork I bet. (I know you don't have the humor of a Good Humor popsicle stick) Classic ironic company name?

Beach #1 or #Echad or #Achat - hebrew has masculine and feminine numbers, the plot thickens...

... was a religious beach featuring a wooden wall jutting out into the surf to separate the men and women. 

Perfect, all the ladies to myself!

After some swimming and avoidance of "way to close for comfort" fisherman, and some beachside iron pumping - I cracked my head on a metal pipe on the monkey bars, best way to show your burly toughness; I then headed to the secular "look at my tushy" hanging out beach...

Low and behold, hard bodies playing makot - a popular tandem musical instrument, shaped like two paddles that fills the beach with a cacophony of bonk and bonking noises. Maybe I'll make it to Carnegie hall afterwards...

I met the guy at the surf shop Waves and we had a nice chat, to say the least, he was pretty stoked. He showed me a potential baby. Although I only adopt the most expensive of sports gear shaped children, I'd continue my search for fatherhood elsewhere.


That night we celebrated Jamie-Boy's birthday, drank, danced (just me), and shared stories. Ol' Jamie-Boy, to differentiate from Jamie-Girl, turned out to be chip off the old block. Freestyle rapping ensued. 

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Flashback Tue 2sday

Walk out of the hostel, leave my FB name with Kazaa, to give to my fellow Kanye person. Two transfers, 1 iced coffee and stroll later I walk into my new place.

A white picket fence, Hibiscus flowers and an artsy half buried vase! Thought flowers like these were just a myth, but they are everywhere; even these yellow and white ones I've only seen rendered in foam.

I get to my room, the "bomb shelter" room, every place has at least one designated room, I suppose. The door is all gnarly with a twisty handle that sends metal spikes out in all different directions to seal it shut! Got to keep that air conditioning in at all costs!

A view from the bedroom window; the dunes, the Mediterranean, and the future home of professional surfer, your humble narrator. We'll see how much rocket power I have left in the tank.

View from the terrace, not too shabby. I'm kind of afraid to go to sleep and wake back up in my NYC apartment. Decent view, but not the same. 

After unpacking our leader took us around town and I tried to remember everybody's stories. We got some groceries; I pondered the selections of coffee for a while; the selection of hummus and hummusesque items were innumerable. 

The air conditioner was on the fritz...

Zing! Cheap shot, couldn't resist...

Don't think there was anything else said all night, looks like no comforter wasn't an issue after all; but a pillow would have been nice, but its all good, or sababa, as the Israeli's might say.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Moscow to Tel Aviv to Hostel

So the Moscow airport was a free for all, very minimalist, which I like, in terms of design, not "giving a shit."

The customs situation - There is a door wide enough for 1.5 people, no line, just a mob trying to push through - looked like a football tragedy waiting to happen.

No layover due to prior delays, got on the plane, fell asleep, woke up two hours later...

And we hadn't left the gate, derp :/


Get to Ben Gurion Airport outside Tel Aviv and I'm immediately flagged for being suspicious, or incredibly sexy, one could only hope... The solider asked me for an alibi with evidence - looks like my auditing career came in handy after all.

I went to the baggage claim, waited for about an hour, comforter did not show up. How poetic! Turns out its hot as hell and the air conditioner doesn't really work yet, so a blanket is the last thing I need.

I take a train to a station nearby the $15 a night hostel, I waited on the platform as an Israeli trio laid down some cool stylings on the synth, guitar and more different musical instrument. They built up quite a crowd. Once at the station, I decided to walk to the hostel, a 2.something kilometer hike with my life on my back and front. The neighborhood looked like a Call of Duty level, daddy would not have been pleased to see the sight, I'm sure. Good thing I spent a couple of semesters in college preparing for such events. Isn't pop culture in a warring nation just great! I was ready to dive behind an exploded car at a moments notice. I noticed a couple of potential tangos in an exploded building, I heard some one on a phone, hopefully not calling in an airstrike... but it was fine. Nice sunset on the final 100m stretch.

I finally got the hostel on my GPS and I saw this... Here goes nothing!

I walked around side and noticed the number on the door was the same, I rang the bell and got buzzed in.

Pretty cool little oasis, lots of street art, a pop up pool, bikes galore, I walked through the outdoor area up the stair and into the lobby and met a nice Brit named Sashana/Sashawna/Somethinglikethat, a fellow Kanye fan. I need to get back to her about the show on Sept. 30th.

I put my stuff down and headed to the beach, had to get into the Mediterranean pronto, only a 20 minute walk from the $15 a night paradise, it turned out to be. Towards the beach it didn't look like a video game warzone, it was very nice and I had my first Shawarma - which is like a gyro.

I got the the beach, there was a wedding on a rooftop, you could hear the prayers nearby and see the couple from the beach.

Back at the hostel I considered going to sleep, since I had been awake for a while, still on my caffeine bender, who knew the Russian airlines had such killer coffee? In my room I was joined by a girl from the Netherlands, with teal hair, and invited each other up to the rooftop for a beer.

We were greeted by a fine Polish woman named Hanna who was playing bartender. She's quite the world traveller, check out her travel blog, she gave me some new ideas. I then went over to the couches, one of the many, to bum a smoke, which turned into a rager that ended around 5am.

The rooftop had a canopy, cheeky lights and a great vibe. First I met a dude named J...., a man looking to hideout, very soft spoken. A Chi-town scientist named Leo, who had just finished a research assignment on water desalination. He had just developed a new invention, a double bendy straw to drink out of a wine bottle with, very innovative. An Aussie named Georgie, or at least he said it was, he was drinking a bag of wine/inflating the bag to use as a pillow to use for his "micro-naps," he took about 5 throughout the night, before the regular sized nap around 3am. And actually first, a young peppy blonde named Kazaa. She kept popping up all over the place, and sometimes sported a helmet, which looked like a dinosaur and had a sharks fin. I asked her about it,

"It's for danger." She replied. 

Fair enough. We proceeded to drink and smoke for hours, was joined by some new faces, the Brit from downstairs, Hanna brought over a bottle of "wodka," another Aussie showed up, the Balls, Shane, an osteopath for pro-golfers, he was on quite the world tour. The Aussies talked AFL, and shared stories about 90s pop stars, the Brit knew, a girl from Dr. Who. Leo, Kazaa and myself felt out of water. Then Georgie took another micro nap, and we were back. 

I wanted to get up at the crack of dawn, and not wake people with my alarm... My room also didn't have a/c, so I was told to sleep on the rooftop. I was a bit afraid of the "Mozzys" as the Aussies would say. I kept relocating, looking for the cheekiest spot. 

I went past a large red light-up dragon, to the far side of the roof, for alleged hammock, didn't look too comfy, so I opted for the floor.

Then I reconsidered and went to the couch. Slept for a minute, got bit by a Mozzy, scratched, sun rose, went downstairs and slept in the bed. Also took 3 showers during all this, hot hot hot! My Aussie sir woke me at 11am, checkout! Packed up and headed out to my apartment. Time to meet the Real World crew!